Liberation.

Bestest friend said to me,   “The problems we faced may be simple, but it is us who complicates it”.  Things can be so direct and simple  if we just simply ask or communicate about it. Tell the other person how do we actually feel and try understanding it from their perspective. But this is one of the most challenging part, how vulnerable and transparent can we be towards the person that we are ready to accept the consequences that comes with it after asking the question? Naturally, we have our fears.  There is always two ways to look at it, does fear makes us stronger or does it makes you weaker.  For me, I am still weak and there is much much work in progress that needs to be done.  I may not be as confident and happy as I look.  I have always been having issues with my self confidence and am constantly reassuring myself every single time that tomorrow will be a better day or don’t worry you will be better in no time.  I am very inconsistent wit...

He was my last match that I am still chatting with before I decided to uninstall whatsoever dating apps that I had in my phone. Somewhat different personality and character, it felt safe and comfortable chatting with him. He made me felt safe talking to him with his simplicity in thoughts. Things were fine, we met few times. Exploring food, chatting over coffee and did some activities. And then, somewhere somehow I felt like some things started changing. Less conversation and communication over phone, daily chats became few days chats. Gaps is getting bigger, I felt. And it's just all me, and my thoughts all over again. I felt the cycle is coming back, in a way I will most certainly feel confused, keep waiting, and having multiple thoughts.  Again, am wondering why is this happening to me so often for every single time when I met someone new. I do not want to go through the whole roller coaster journey which makes me unrecognizable of myself. I cannot lose myself again. Remember Ja...

It was after 6 months - finally I had that closure. It was shocking of course and I have noticed there were multiple times you were trying to have some small chats. Am glad that I wasn't incapacitate over the whole situation, I guess I have really learned to accept that some things were just not meant to stay in your life. I admit that I do still think of you at some point of time, and I don't think that I will ever forget that parcel of moment where things used to be so comfortable. But I have made that choice - no matter how much I have felt and thought of you previously, you are not what I really need at this moment. I need someone who is sure of me, and someone who chooses me everyday consistently. But again, thank you for stepping up and apologizing.  I can choose not to meet up but I did anyway, because I think that I am able to handle it way much better now.  You said that it was because of the timing and you weren't ready. But really, is there a right timing?  I w...